What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 06:41
She loved him until the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Scientists hooking flies on cocaine to study addiction: Reports - WSYR
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Measles vaccination rates drop after COVID-19 pandemic in counties across the US - AP News
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I said to her
One cannot live in the past .
Oh Yeah, Ginny & Georgia Is About Murder - Vulture
I couldn’t, believe it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
All the time i was locked up.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Put me off passion for life!!
My family never makes their pension either.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
How do I convince my husband that a threesome is okay?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Make-A-Wish helps Tacoma cancer patient fulfill dream of giving back to fellow children - KOMO
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Horoscope for Saturday, June 07, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times
She married twice! .
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Adopting the MIND Diet May Lower Dementia Risk at Any Age - Neuroscience News
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Nvidia CEO Pays Tribute To Late Nintendo President Satoru Iwata In New Switch 2 Video - Kotaku
I waited trembling.
Especially a lifetime of it.
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Would this be the day?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I have no regrets .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I will be 64.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He knew the spot.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I think the readers, may guess!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im still living with it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
This is soul school!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was very sick at this time too.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What did i know ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She wouldn,t have been !
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We all went to grammer schools
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So whats the point in blame.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Who then, do I blame.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My life is so biszare .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So, i spoilt her more .
It was going to be , some day.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She was in good health!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But it wasn’t much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ive learnt so much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I don,t even have a pension.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Comes on , in middle age.
I was scared of men, in general
She found it foreign!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .